A Walk Through Life

Yesterday evening my 3 year old daughter and I were walking home from the mailbox when she said, "Look Mommy, the Moon is following me!" Sure enough, there was the Moon. It followed us all the way home, bringing a couple of it's pals, the stars, with it. We decided to invite the Moon over for dinner. As we approached the house, Camille seemed unsure how to proceed. I suggested that the Moon really just wanted to keep us company, wasn't going to be able to eat dinner since it couldn't fit inside the house. Camille accepted that and into the house we went, basking in the delight of having this newfound and very magical friend.

How much Camille truly thought the moon was our friend, I don't know. I know she was filled with wonder and happiness at the prospect of it though. That was her reality for the moment, that the moon was our friend and walked us home from the mailbox. And indeed, the moon did accompany us home from the mailbox and we felt joy as a result.

As I have approached my 40s and embarked on that subsequent and well known phenomena - the assessment of life and how to live it - I am realizing more every day how our imaginations determine our environments. The degree to which we are willing to stretch our souls, defy the chains of convention, reach beyond our habits, is truly the only limit. Our daily (and necessary) toil dampens our abilities to stretch outside of our habits and interpretations, but hopefully the "mid life crisis" is an antidote to some of that. We wake up and say, hey, I've now spent half of my life doing X, how do I want to proceed with the other half? Certainly we need to get things done to survive and to have comforts. The old and helpful schedule of chores, Wash on Monday, Iron on Tuesday, Sew on Wednesday, etc. has its merits. A routine can be applied no matter what your situation (wake up and dress, get on the train, sit at desk with coffee and commence the day. Now it is after five. Work another few hours then go home eat and sit in front of the telly or, if you have kids, pick children up and get dinner, bath and bed underway, fall exhausted onto the couch and sit like zombie in front of television for a few hours, etc. ) It has the same cadence as Wash on Monday... In time we find that this has become our life, the sticking to this schedule. A schedule dictated by conventional thought, societal norms of work and pursuits.

Ever had a "John Lennon" day? It is what I have dubbed those days when you shake it all off, live outside your rules and habits. It is such a good feeling to toss off the restrictions. Want some beef jerky- buy yourself a bag. Stop at the park and lie there looking up at the sky, with or without kids depending on your situation. For a while there I would get goosebumps every time I heard a Beatles song, they symbolized something lost in my soul since childhood. Something free and easy and unrestrained, no doubts or guilt. I never knew how many layers of rules, assumption and convention were upon me until it all started crumbling away a few years ago. I don't care as much what people think, I like the way I do things for the most part, though certainly there is room for improvement. I believe in contributing to the greater good and being responsible, I value family and friends greatly. I want to help the community. Get closer to nature. Want to dig into life as deeply as possible and at the same time, maybe in doing, simplify. Break those chains. Pretty typical mid life crisis, eh.

I think there is something biological behind the mid life crisis. I see it with the ever changing moods and behaviors of my two daughters depending on which month of which age. I'll be convinced one of them is going through some unique crisis, then I pick up the American Academy of Pediatrics reference book and find out that is what is to be expected from "the four year old." Maybe "the 40 year old" has a developmental stage too, whereby it is beneficial to reassess the ways in which we live, editing them and embracing a new dawn. I don't mean chucking your wife and kids to run off with the exciting woman who is half your age. No, no, that happens often enough but I think it is a cop out. There are ways to reinvent yourself, your life, that can take you to a better place yet retain the parts of you that are meaningful, involving your history and blood, sweat and tears. Instead of jumping to the bottom of a new mountain with a shallower grade, continue up your mountain and conquer those steep slopes with a new set of mental tools - reaching a higher peak in the end. A peak from which during infirmity, you can look out at the beautiful scene of your life, reminisce each turn and twist and feel pride and joy in your noble pursuits. All to the light of your old pal, the Moon.