Letter to a Cat

Dear Mouse, Your name is Mouse, but you are a cat. You don't seem to mind this indignity as long as we pat you, let you climb aboard our laps, and sit in front of us while we type on the computer. You purr and purr mostly when you are nestled warmly in the cradle of our elbows, or resting snugly against our legs as we sit or lie down. On the days when you are let out into the backyard, you delicately explore the terrain. You hide down deeply into the grass and peek through the longer blades. You observe the pecking hens who sometimes walk within a few feet of you. When the gang goes inside and you are accidentally left outside, you cry at the door and scurry through as the door opens for you. Mouse, sometimes we find you on top of the finches' cage. We hiss at you like snakes, to scare you off of it. This sometimes works, but other times we must hoist you off of the cage with both hands. Mouse, when we hold you, your legs become stiff and your toes stick out, with claws protruding. You remain still in this stiff position until you are let down. We like how you fetch and retrieve certain toys, and sit on command in order to receive a treat. We think you are very smart as well as sweet. As I write you this note, you have rubbed your head on my shoulder, purring, and now sit in front of me waiting. Waiting for pats, waiting for love, waiting for companionship. We love you Mouse, with your apricot colored nose, your grey and black striped fur, your sea green colored eyes, your long white whiskers, dainty paws and long tail that curls into a question mark, but most of all Mouse, we love your heart. Thank you for sharing it with us. Sincerely, Your Family, the Humans

A Walk Through Life

Yesterday evening my 3 year old daughter and I were walking home from the mailbox when she said, "Look Mommy, the Moon is following me!" Sure enough, there was the Moon. It followed us all the way home, bringing a couple of it's pals, the stars, with it. We decided to invite the Moon over for dinner. As we approached the house, Camille seemed unsure how to proceed. I suggested that the Moon really just wanted to keep us company, wasn't going to be able to eat dinner since it couldn't fit inside the house. Camille accepted that and into the house we went, basking in the delight of having this newfound and very magical friend.

How much Camille truly thought the moon was our friend, I don't know. I know she was filled with wonder and happiness at the prospect of it though. That was her reality for the moment, that the moon was our friend and walked us home from the mailbox. And indeed, the moon did accompany us home from the mailbox and we felt joy as a result.

As I have approached my 40s and embarked on that subsequent and well known phenomena - the assessment of life and how to live it - I am realizing more every day how our imaginations determine our environments. The degree to which we are willing to stretch our souls, defy the chains of convention, reach beyond our habits, is truly the only limit. Our daily (and necessary) toil dampens our abilities to stretch outside of our habits and interpretations, but hopefully the "mid life crisis" is an antidote to some of that. We wake up and say, hey, I've now spent half of my life doing X, how do I want to proceed with the other half? Certainly we need to get things done to survive and to have comforts. The old and helpful schedule of chores, Wash on Monday, Iron on Tuesday, Sew on Wednesday, etc. has its merits. A routine can be applied no matter what your situation (wake up and dress, get on the train, sit at desk with coffee and commence the day. Now it is after five. Work another few hours then go home eat and sit in front of the telly or, if you have kids, pick children up and get dinner, bath and bed underway, fall exhausted onto the couch and sit like zombie in front of television for a few hours, etc. ) It has the same cadence as Wash on Monday... In time we find that this has become our life, the sticking to this schedule. A schedule dictated by conventional thought, societal norms of work and pursuits.

Ever had a "John Lennon" day? It is what I have dubbed those days when you shake it all off, live outside your rules and habits. It is such a good feeling to toss off the restrictions. Want some beef jerky- buy yourself a bag. Stop at the park and lie there looking up at the sky, with or without kids depending on your situation. For a while there I would get goosebumps every time I heard a Beatles song, they symbolized something lost in my soul since childhood. Something free and easy and unrestrained, no doubts or guilt. I never knew how many layers of rules, assumption and convention were upon me until it all started crumbling away a few years ago. I don't care as much what people think, I like the way I do things for the most part, though certainly there is room for improvement. I believe in contributing to the greater good and being responsible, I value family and friends greatly. I want to help the community. Get closer to nature. Want to dig into life as deeply as possible and at the same time, maybe in doing, simplify. Break those chains. Pretty typical mid life crisis, eh.

I think there is something biological behind the mid life crisis. I see it with the ever changing moods and behaviors of my two daughters depending on which month of which age. I'll be convinced one of them is going through some unique crisis, then I pick up the American Academy of Pediatrics reference book and find out that is what is to be expected from "the four year old." Maybe "the 40 year old" has a developmental stage too, whereby it is beneficial to reassess the ways in which we live, editing them and embracing a new dawn. I don't mean chucking your wife and kids to run off with the exciting woman who is half your age. No, no, that happens often enough but I think it is a cop out. There are ways to reinvent yourself, your life, that can take you to a better place yet retain the parts of you that are meaningful, involving your history and blood, sweat and tears. Instead of jumping to the bottom of a new mountain with a shallower grade, continue up your mountain and conquer those steep slopes with a new set of mental tools - reaching a higher peak in the end. A peak from which during infirmity, you can look out at the beautiful scene of your life, reminisce each turn and twist and feel pride and joy in your noble pursuits. All to the light of your old pal, the Moon.

Musings of a Parent

This is a blogging experiment. My friend has just started a blog, inspired from a writing workshop we both took a few weeks ago, and I figure I might as well step into the fire as well. I actually created this blog site a year ago, but only went so far as to post some poems and fiddle with the layout. And fiddle again. Now I am actually going to write something, so put on your seatbelts (said by someone who lately is seeking to create optimism.) I shall leave you for a moment to go check out how this looks on the layout, and maybe do a little fiddling.

Looks like I'll have to fiddle some more, because this post doesn't show up.

Okay, here we are in business. I have spent approximately three hours this evening scouring the internet for information on elementary schools in the Austin area. Mainly I have been reading parent reviews and sometimes checking out the school's website. I am not an education expert nor am I the product of parents who did their darndest to get me into the best schools. I think when and where I was growing up, the local school was what you got and that was fine. Things have changed (and to further quote Bobby Dylan, I'm a worried man with a worried mind. 'Cept I'm a woman.) For starters, is the school safe. Next, how do they rate academically? Does the school have a high rate of turnover and is the principal good? How are the teachers? Next comes the programs offered. Does this school include foreign language lessons and if not, why? Several schools in town do, so why should the children of this school not get the same? Turns out this has to do with the PTA and what parents are willing and able to implement. I'm learning more every day. Next, what about after school programs? Is the school a good size, are the classrooms crowded? How much homework is assigned and how much is too much or too little? How is the playground, is there nature around? If you have the luxury, you can then contemplate the homogenized v. diverse aspect. Mon Dieu, must each and every family that enters a child into public school worry so much that his or her child won't be getting the same education as someone on the other side of the tracks (usually the western side?) Nevermind the private school advantages! Welcome to the world, I suppose, except that I just spoke with a friend from Toronto, Canada who said his child will go to an excellent French school for free throughout his primary and secondary years. Pre-K is paid for by the parents and all else is paid for by the state. No, I think it is rather "Welcome to the U.S.A."

I won't rant about this any longer right now, but how can we fix a system like this, where there are lines waiting overnight to transfer children into schools a few blocks away because they are smaller or have better teachers or have better programs. All public, just different. What happens to the children left in the other schools? How important are these things in the long run, does it just boil down to the parent's level of involvement in their children's lives and education?

Music

Death Valley http://www.myspace.com/deathvalleytheband
The Gentlemen http://www.thegentlemenrock.com/news/
The Raveonettes http://www.myspace.com/theraveonettes